December 2011
6 posts
Dangerous Toys
The consumer group World Against Toys Causing Harm released its annual list of the 10 most dangerous toys including a Godzilla with dagger-like attachments and a “Fold & Go Trampoline.” Also on the list, “Winnie the ACTUAL Poo.”
Implant Troubles
A woman in Maryland had to undergo an operation after her breast implant was “swallowed” by her body during a Pilates exercise. She went to a doctor that specialized in white people problems.
Bed Bugs
A new report suggests that bed bugs were less likely to bite people with hairy legs than people with shaved legs. Scary news for married people.
Mitt Romney
Mitt Romney, who is falling in the polls, on Wednesday began attacking front-runner Newt Gingrich by calling him “zany.” Or as his fellow Mormons call it, “The ‘Z’ word.”
Newt Gingrich
Mitt Romney this week released a new campaign ad that subtly targets Newt Gingrich’s three marriages and his infidelity by highlighting Romney’s 42 year marriage to his wife. But the ad leaves out the one thing Gingrich has been loyal to his whole life, cake.
Rabbits
A couple in England has created a 15,000 dollar enclosure for their two pet rabbits that includes LED lighting, a heating unit and web cameras. Although, most pictures of the enclosure are taken on the rabbits’ iPhones.
March 2011
12 posts
Mike Tyson App
There’s a new iPhone game called “Mike Tyson: Main Event” that lets users box against Mike Tyson. And they’re already working on a follow up Mike Tyson app where people can see what they’d look like with a face tattoo.
New Internet Explorer
Microsoft released a version of Internet Explorer that helps people keep their online habits from being monitored. So fyi, if you know anyone that’s gotten the new browser, they’re probably not returning your calls cause they’re busy watching porn.
Women's Magazine
Al Qaeda recently launched a women’s magazine with articles about skincare. The cover story this month ranks the top 5 cures for “burqa rash.”
Jackass Memoir
Steve-O from “Jackass” is releasing a memoir in the summer called “Professional Idiot.” Unless Charlie Sheen beats him to it.
Bike Plates
New York may soon require a license plate for all bicycles. The hardest part for bike riders will be coming up with a license plate number more ironic than their tee shirts.
New Area Code
New York is getting the new area code, 929, because the city is running out of phone numbers. But according to the girl I talked to last night at the bar, New York is just out of numbers period.
Hotel for Dogs
A luxury hotel for dogs just opened in France. Or as China would call it, a bed and breakfast.
Charlie Sheen
Charlie Sheen went on the “Today” show this morning, and referred to himself as a warlock with tiger blood and Adonis DNA. So either he’s on drugs again or just got a new set of magnetic poetry.
Dr. Pepper
Dr. Pepper is testing a new diet soda aimed at men between the ages 25 and 34. To cater to that age group, they’re changing the soda’s name to “Hot Nurse.”
New TV Show
Animal Planet is coming out with a new reality show called “Hillbilly Handfishin’,” about people who catch catfish with their bare hands and feet. And they’re already planning a follow up reality show, “The Real Housewives of Appalachia.”
Chainsaw Thief
A man in Oklahoma was arrested for putting a chainsaw down his pants at a hardware store. The man was trying to see if the chainsaw could cut through solid wood.
Video Game
An artist has created a new video game that can only be controlled by French kissing. “Artist” being code for a gamer trying to get some play.
February 2011
21 posts
Jersey Shore
I heard that the cast of “Jersey Shore” is going to Italy in April, and will be shooting there for two months. To prepare for the adjustment, the Situation has started referring to his abs as al dente.
sex.com
I just read that sex.com is the most expensive Internet domain. However nobody will admit to paying money for it.
Mammogram Device
The FDA just approved the first 3D mammogram device. Or as doctors have been calling it for years “the hand.”
Skinny Jeans
Levi’s just came out with a new pair of skinny jeans for men called the ex-girlfriend jean. They chose that name cause “had a girlfriend until I wore skinny jeans” seemed a little too long.
Beauty Queen
A 17-year-old beauty queen in Texas is suing the pageant after she was stripped of her crown for gaining weight. But to be fair, the crown had gotten WAY too small.
Taco Bell
Taco Bell is offering its Facebook fans a free taco as a thank you for their support while being sued over the content of its seasoned beef. Fans can choose from bean and cheese, chicken, or beef-esque.
Valentine's Day
A city in Russia is banning Valentine’s Day celebrations, out of fear that it will undermine cultural traditions. Sounds like somebody’s mayor is single…
Royal Wedding
Matt Lauer and Meredith Vieira will get a behind-the-scenes look at the flowers, cake, and guest list for the royal wedding. And Hoda and Kathie Lee are all set to cover the cocktail hour.
Whispering
A new study found that whispering can actually damage your vocal chords. So the people behind you at the movies aren’t talking loudly to be rude, they’re just protecting their vocal chords.
Igloo
I read about a guy in Minnesota who built an igloo that is big enough to hold 15 people. That’s one person per Eskimo word for loser.
Beavis and Butthead
“Beavis and Butt-Head” is returning to MTV this summer after 14 years off the air. No word on music returning.
Oysters
A new study found that the world’s oyster population is disappearing quickly. Primarily Egyptian oysters.
Kate Moss
Congrats to supermodel Kate Moss, who is getting married this summer. Guests can’t wait to eat the cardboard cutout of a cake.
Dog Night Club
There’s a new night club here in New York that lets people can bring their dogs inside with them. The best part is there’s never a bathroom line. You can just go wherever you want.
The View
The ladies from “The View” are going on “Oprah” next week for their first group appearance on another show. Even more groundbreaking, the episode will double as an ad for Spanx.
Burger Challenge
A restaurant in Wisconsin is offering a free sweatshirt to anyone who can finish a four-pound burger called the “Raji Burger,” named after Packers star B.J. Raji. The second part of the challenge is fitting into the sweatshirt.
Grocery Thief
A man in Connecticut was arrested for shoving ham and provolone cheese down his pants at a grocery store. Fortunately the police got to the man before he could add some special sauce.
Superbowl
Some people are worried that the cold weather in Texas could decrease the turnout for the Super Bowl. They’re worried people might just show up for the commercials.
Harry Reid
I read that Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid was confronted by an angry voter while he was grocery shopping over the weekend. But the voter was right. Reid had 11 items, and the sign clearly said 10 items or less.
Naomi Campbell
Supermodel Naomi Campbell recently interviewed Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin for British GQ. But don’t get too excited, she spent the whole interview asking him how to spell “Vladimir.”
Dog Wedding
An animal shelter here in New York recently held a wedding ceremony for two dogs. So from now on, they’ll only hump each other’s legs.
January 2011
13 posts
Duane Reade
A Duane Reade pharmacy in Brooklyn is now serving beer. And for a limited time you can still get Obamacare on tap.
Smoking
A new study found that smoking a cigarette can cause genetic damage within minutes. The most alarming effect is giving camels the need to wear sunglasses.
McDonald's
An assistant manager at a McDonald’s in Minnesota was recently fired for letting Vikings star Adrian Peterson use the bathroom after closing. Or as the manager put it, he was sacked in overtime.
Tiny Dog
Researchers have discovered the fossil of a tiny dinosaur that was the size of a dog. It was hiding in Paris Hilton’s purse.
IBS
A new study found that exercising can help relieve irritable bowel syndrome. They came to this conclusion after auditing a yoga class.
Charlie Sheen
Charlie Sheen was reportedly doing vodka shots yesterday at a hotel in Las Vegas. He drank his favorite brand, Absolut Idiot.
Public Restrooms
A new study found that ATMs are just as dirty as public toilets. But only cause you have to touch more buttons before making a deposit.
1/11/11
Today is 1/11/11 or the binary code’s version of gay pride day.
$5,000 Burger
A restaurant in Las Vegas just unveiled a five-thousand-dollar burger. You can find the restaurant by looking for the actually golden arches.
Spiderman Musical
The injured actor from the Spider-Man musical was actually in the audience for tonight’s show. The actor said he laughed, he cried, he hid under his seat for cover…
Christmas Tree
Sad news. The Rockefeller Center Christmas tree came down today. And I give it three months before the tree releases a sex tape and checks into rehab.